I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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