Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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