Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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