I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
