The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
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We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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