I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
