Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
