she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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