i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
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I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
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Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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