I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Damn victory sex feels great
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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