i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
