everyone is single if you try hard enough
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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