Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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