I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
