i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
