Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Shame is for Republicans.
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