Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
the condom got lost in my hair
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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