we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
