i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
