he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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