i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
