I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
