Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
