Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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