He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
