you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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