I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
