so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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