She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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