Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
