Need sex. Gaining weight.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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