does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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