You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
