Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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