he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Congratulations! We have a period
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