I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
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