I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
