this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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