I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
