Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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