never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Ketchup is God's man juice
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
