i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
