i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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