i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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