I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
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Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
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His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
you made out with another girl for some wings
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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