i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
