He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
