I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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