Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
