We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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