girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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