This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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