Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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