so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You took a bar mat shot.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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