Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
