True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
