She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I fill condoms, not promises.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
