My cat gives me a boner
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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