I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
