my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
