Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
