I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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