He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
