Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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