What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Randomize
