I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
