I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
