it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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