I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
