I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
