He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I'm really busy with my period
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