I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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