I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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