I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
