Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
