Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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