I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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