As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
