we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
