She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
